My life timeline might look like this:

1988, 0 years old: I was born & the world collectively said “Oh, no”
2006, 17 years old: I graduated high school & almost fainted at the ceremony
2010, 21 years old: I graduated from Brown University with a sense of impending doom
2014, 26 years old: I got married in a regrettably silly-looking gown
2018, 30 years old: I gave birth to my first child, regrettably named Kipper James
2038, 50 years old: I turned half a century old & somebody bought me sheet cake
2053, 65 years old: I retired & somebody bought me sheet cake
2069, 81 years old: I shuffled off this regrettably flabby mortal coil

It’s kind of nice to see it in numbers, you know? And oh, man! How exciting is it to think about what the world will be like in 2060? That seems like it’s an incredibly long time away — 51 years, specifically. 51 years ago from now, it was 1958. It was 1958 and microwave ovens did not exist.

Okay, so apparently they did exist, but they were on sale for $1,295. HOW THE WORLD HAS CHANGED!